In his article Agency and Anger, Elder Lynn G. Robbins speaks on Satan’s evil plan to make us think that our emotions are uncontrollable, that we are mere victims of them. This could not be more false. We have agency and are given the power to choose. He explains, “Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends or family?”. There is a reason we do not let out our frustrations on our boss – we choose not to! Our emotional response is a choice that we can do either out of love or disdain.
In 3 Nephi, the Lord states, “Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (11:30). God wants us to be happy and wants us to show love and respect to His other children; this includes our spouse. This is not accomplished unless we acknowledge our spouse’s opinions, personal characterisitcs, values, and desires. There will be times that we disagree, but it is how we handle these disagreements that can either cause our marriage to crumble or to flourish. In Gottman’s Several Principles for Making Marriage Work, two marital conflicts are addressed – perceptual and solvable problems. Perceptual are considered problems that will be apart of your lives forever in some form or another. It is the couple’s responsibility to learn how to effetively and respectfully live with this issue that may not necessarily go away. They learn to deal with it and find a way to keep the ongoing conflict in good nature. Solvable problems are issues that should be resolved. They may have caused tension, and need to be addressed and worked on head-on. I am sure that throughout marriage, a couple will face both of these marital conflicts, but it is how they handle them that will allow them to devlop and grow together.
One of the biggest lessons that I have learned since being married is to not take things too seriously. When conflict arises, we can respond in different ways. I have learned that when my husband and I respond with humor, or lightheartedness in attempt to ease the tension, we are able to recognize that the conflict itself is not anything to get worked up about. Being quick to apologize and to forgive is key. Why drag out an issue longer than it needs to go? After attempting to resolve the issue, find something to agree on or find something that will cheer both you and your spouse up. We are responsible for our emotion and we can choose happiness if we really want to.
For Eternity 